Your coming out story

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Your coming out story

Post  ReiDavidson on Sat Jan 31, 2009 1:12 pm

Assuming you have one. :3;

Mine was fairly simple.

I told my friends first. Their reaction was pretty much "Oh that's cool." and then life went on. They were very supportive. I only had one friend freak out a little and she just said I couldn't hit on her. I told her oh no, I never would. Five minutes later she asked me "why not...?" XD

I told my brother next. He said "Duh."

When I told my mom she cried. And asked what she had done wrong as a parent. I didn't really know how to react. I cried too. Sad She didn't want me to do anything "gay" so no one else would know. I went to a football game and someone asked her if I was gay because I had rainbow wrist warmers and I had lead my friend Kat by the hand so we didn't get seperated. She got angry with me but my brother told her he wanted to talk to her int he other room. I never know what he said but she never got upset with me after that.

I didn't tell my dad till years later. He wasn't mad. But he didn't believe me. He thought I was confused. After about a year or two he finally realized maybe I knew what I was talking. Now it's not that big of a deal. I'm out to any and everyone in the world now.


Last edited by ReiDavidson on Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  tara on Sat Jan 31, 2009 7:20 pm

I'm probably an example of what NOT to do. I think I have too many outstanding issues to be able to answer this question properly! I'm so shy that coming out is one thing in a whole pile of things I have to be honest about. I've told a few people that I'm bi, recently a long time family friend, but my parents don't know, although I am pretty sure they suspect! (Wearing ties in high school before Avril Lavigne made it cool kinda tipped them off that I was searching for something). And I know my parents would be okay with it if I told them, they are relatively liberal. But I can't talk to my parents about anything below surface, so to talk to them about my sexuality ...

I know I'm a rather mentally unhealthy individual. Which also lends itself to creative endeavours (apparently!) but it still is terrible! Ha.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  Joneko on Sat Jan 31, 2009 10:55 pm

tara wrote:I'm probably an example of what NOT to do. I think I have too many outstanding issues to be able to answer this question properly!

Tch, aw honey, there's no real what not to do. Everyone has a way that's right for them. And honestly, there'll always be some outstanding issues, though not in that scary way so much as an "I'm a person and always changing, so there's always something to think about" way.

(Wearing ties in high school before Avril Lavigne made it cool kinda tipped them off that I was searching for something).

I do that tooooo <3 Just tell them it's totally eighties chic! (Well, actually, it could be a fine springboard for a good discussion, but it also just happens to rock way harder than Lavigne.)

I know I'm a rather mentally unhealthy individual. Which also lends itself to creative endeavours (apparently!) but it still is terrible! Ha.

If you ever need to talk we're here for you.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  tara on Sat Jan 31, 2009 11:06 pm

Thanks Joneko! You're so sweet. Feeling welcome already. Smile
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  Joneko on Sat Jan 31, 2009 11:08 pm

Awww, I'm glad.

Oh, and my coming out story is five-words easy.

Everyone knew before I did.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  wyldflowa on Sun Feb 01, 2009 5:31 am

I haven't technically came out - but then I don't technically consider myself either lesbian or bisexual. If I meet someone I like I like them, it doesn't matter what's below their belt... and I just happen to have hopelessly fallen in love with a girl. ^^;

I half suspect my dad knows seeing as he asked me one time when I said I was going to visit someone he asked "A boyfriend? A girlfriend?". XD I've told one of my brothers - I'm not sure if he may have spread it to the others. My friends figured by the pains and inconveniences I was taking to see/be with my partner (as well as the constant "we said this", "we did that", "squeeee I'm gonna go see her!"-ness I was doing). XD No one's given me a negative reaction yet - but I do hang about with a pretty liberal bunch. I think they're just happy to see me happy too. I wuffs my mates.

I just don't feel a huge need to "come out" tbh - all the important people who should know, do already.

I do have to keep it somewhat discreet online as her family is certainly not as accepting as mine... its a case of "they probably know but won't speak about it". It hurts me to see her in that position - having that underlying tension... there's not much I can do apart from be strong for her.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  Avie on Sun Feb 01, 2009 10:25 am

Well my coming out story is separated into three episodes:
My Friends.
My Mother
My Father.

I always knew on some level that I was attracted to women but I just wouldn't embrace it so I had a bit of a mean streak in the beginning. I treated others (mainly the girls that I grew fond of) horribly and I didn't understand my bitterness....until much later. Ha.

Around high school, I developed a huge crush on this girl (of course she had to be older. There is something about me and older women. >.<) and that's when I finally realized that I'm a lesbian. I never looked at any boys twice; only girls. It was pretty much like a "smooth transition" when it came to my self reflections. I just calmly accepted it and everything made more sense.

My friends: This was basically a "I soooo knew it" kind of moment.

My Mother: My mother is pretty open-minded about everything. We were on our way to pick up pizza and I suppose nothing says "come out of the closet" like a steady car trip to Pizza Hut. XD I finally told her, of course I was crying because I feared rejection. Her reaction was sympathetic and we bearly talked about my sexuality for years until quite recently. In the present, my mother now sits at the table (we still live together for financial support) saying things like "Ohhh you will find the right girl" or "Ew. You don't need her. She's not good for you."
I suppose we are more like "friends" instead of "mother and daughter."

My Father: Oy. What a mess ! *SIGH* To put it simply: when I was young, my dad made me live with him (my parents are separated) by force. Of course, I didn't like that, I was completely shut down from reality. Those were dark times >.< After several months of ongoing whining and begging to go back to my hometown, I finally decided to use my sexuality as a way to get me home. I knew how he would react, because of his culture and religion (and his crude remarks regarding the gay culture on occasions), and at the right moment I just came out to him and the next day he told me to pack my bags. Now, hear me out, the circumstances were very difficult to handle back then and I knew either way, he would react harshly so I used it to my advantage. It does sound kind of bad, doesn't it ? Y_Y


Ha sorry if this is too long to read >.<
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  ReiDavidson on Sun Feb 01, 2009 11:51 am

Avie - homg. That's really sad on your dad's part that you knew you'd get kicked out if you told him you were gay. >.< I would have said it even if I wasn't just to get away from him if he was like that. Sounds like your right where you need to be, which is with mum.


Chloe - Your bi?? o.o ... <.<.... >.> ... *prims and preens self* Wink Hey baby.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  tara on Sun Feb 01, 2009 7:21 pm

Yeah I think as a bi myself, I think it's kind of different "coming out". One because unless you are dating a girl for an extended period of time (or boy! if you are boy) it is 'unnecessary', and two, because the whole gay/bi culture is different. ... Which I can't seem to explain in words right now, but it makes sense in my head. Let me tell you I'm a GENIUS in my head. XD
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  tara on Sun Feb 01, 2009 7:28 pm

And Avie! I don't think there are rules on how to use your sexuality. In this situation a negative reaction was actually able to HELP you, which is just ironic, that's all. Not bad!
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LONG REPLY IS REALLY FRIGGIN' LONG :|

Post  OnesWhoUseYou on Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:29 pm

My apologies, but I'm going to get wordy here. I like to ramble. :B

When I was younger (until I was about thirteen), I would have 'crushes' on boys at school (I say 'crushes' because I learned later I wasn't actually interested in them romantically, I just liked hanging out with them) and obsessed over male cartoon characters (though it was always more about their personalities than anything else). It never really felt right, though. I knew when a guy was attractive, but I never really wanted anything to do with them.

For a while I wasn't interested in anyone. I actually remember writing a blog entry worrying if the fact that I didn't like any boys mean I was gay. But I never really thought about it extensively. That is, until somewhere in the middle of Sophomore year. I started catching myself eye-balling girls who'd pass me in the halls, and feeling warm and giddy when certain girls would hold my hand or hug me. I still noticed attractive guys, but it was never anything more than 'oh hey, that guy looks good. I want to design a character that looks like him'. Which is a really dorky thing to think, I know. But when I noticed attractive girls, I... really looked at them. You know?

I waffled around the idea that maybe, just maybe, I was attracted to girls. I tentatively started thinking of myself as bi, although I never said it out loud. It was around that time that I realized that I had an absolutely enormous crush on an online friend of mine. I could never stop thinking of her. I looked at photos of her that she'd send me all the time, and every nice thing she said to me had me bouncing around the room with a huge grin on my face. We teased each other and flirted with each other (or, at least, I flirted with her). It wasn't until she playfully, half-jokingly suggested that we should make out someday if we were to ever meet up, that it hit me; the idea really, REALLY appealed to me. Hell, I couldn't get the image out of my head for a week after she suggested it.

'So,' I thought. 'You like girls. That's okay. B-but you still like boys, right? I mean, if you were really gay, you wouldn't even realize that they were attractive at all, right? You'd think they were grody or something. Maybe someday you can have a boyfriend and not have to worry about this.' And that's when I started to think of myself as bisexual for real.

Sorry for all that backstory. Here's my actually coming-out story.

I told my best friend first. Although there was no doubt in my mind that she wouldn't even care, I was still nervous. I told her over the phone, with much stuttering and uncomfortableness, and all she said was, 'oh, alright'. Her reaction made me laugh, and all the tension left me. We were able to discuss my sexuality quite comfortably after that, and she let me know that she supported me.

My mom found out in... not the best way. Forgetting that she had access to my livejournal, I made a very short reference to the fact that I thought I might be bi in the middle of a large entry. I didn't think about it. A few days later, she stopped me in the living room. She wasn't very happy, although it was mostly because she thinks that sexuality should be a private matter. She started talking about how what goes on the internet is permanent, and how I would feel if my husband or children were to read that entry someday, or how my dad would feel (he had openly shown digust over gay people/relationships before). She also said that she doesn't believe that people can be bi. I cried some, and apologized a lot, and went back into my room to delete that journal entry. I didn't bring it up with her after that, although it certainly didn't change my mind.

I was sort of happy, in an odd way, that she knew. But I was terrified that my dad would find out. I loved both my parents more than anything in the world, and although I knew that he'd always love me I was terrified that he wouldn't look at me the same after I came out to him.

June 25th after my Sophomore year, my dad passed away from a sudden case of Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. I felt awful that I never told him, and was upset that I would never know how he would have taken my coming out. However, later that year, my mom was driving me somewhere to take me shopping. Out of nowhere, she says 'I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to answer me honestly'. 'Oh god,' I think. 'What the hell did I do now??' I couldn't think of anything, so I tell her to go on. 'Have you decided if you like girls or boys yet?' she says.

Oh. Well then. Uncomfortable, I tell her that I think of myself as bi. She lets me know that she loves me just as she always has, and that nothing will change between us. She tells me that she hopes that I feel like I can talk to her about this if I want to. I'm very relieved, obviously, and much happier now.

She also tells me that she had spoken to my dad a month before he died on a trip they had gone on. They had apparently both wondered about my sexuality (I didn't know I had been so obvious, ahaha), and discussed it. My dad had said that he didn't want to make me feel bad, and that he'd be more sensitive around the topic of homosexuality. He had assured my mom that, if I ended up liking girls, he would be as supportive as possible.

It... it was really great knowing that. I remember crying when my mom told me about that conversation, because I was so happy to know that my dad would have accepted me.

Besides my best friend, I never actually walked up to someone and said "HEY, GIRLS ARE TOTALLY MY THING, YOU OKAY WITH THAT?" I only came out to people when they asked. Junior year, I started telling people that I liked girls when they asked, though the topic didn't come up often. All of my friends were supportive and not very surprised (and if they were, they were all 'ahahah that's great :D"). Mid-Junior year, I came to terms with the fact that just because I'm aware of guys doesn't mean I want to be with them. Very slowly, I began to think of myself as a lesbian. The first time I told someone who asked that I was gay, it felt right. I had always felt like I was lying whenever I said that I was bi.

Most of the kids in my school are pretty liberal, so I can walk around in my Gay Pride shirts without any problems. I actually get plenty of compliments when I wear them. <3

My older sister and her boyfriend told me that they both suspected. I was not aware of that. I laughed.

Last year, my mom told both of my grandmothers and most of my aunts that I'm gay, and they all accepted it very well. Although my grandma on my mom's side keeps asking if I've grown out of this stage yet, heh.

So! Really friggin' long story short, everyone that matters to me accepts me, and that's all that matters.

Oh dear lord I'm so sorry for all of that. This is why you should never ask me things, I don't shut up. And I hope this made sense. I'm a bit dizzy and tired so my writing is a bit... odd.

[Oh, and that online crush I was talking about... as soon as I realized I loved her, she mysteriously disappeared from the face of the internet. I haven't talked to her in a year and a half. Still can't stop thinking about her. Still like the idea of making out with her someday. Sigh.]
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  Fly Hue on Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:57 pm

I really liked your long post. :3 The whole being able to appreciate that a man is attractive without being attracted is very relatable. And the story with your dad was sweet. D':

I never got my 'coming out' moment, and for that I feel robbed. I really wish that I had been allowed to take my time and come out when I felt ready, but I'm never going to get my time back. My mom just knew. Not a suspicion but somehow she knew. And that hurts me because it tells me that she has been snooping in places she shouldn't have and that she doesn't trust me and now I have less reason to trust her. I know this isn't just her having a strong intuition, she's cheated in the nature of our mother-daughter relationship, and even though it's been years now that she's known I am still feeling very set back several steps.

Ideally, what I'd wanted to do was wait until I could at least be in a relationship. I'd felt that would have made things smoother. And it's something with a bit of a stronger foundation, a bit more solid than saying "I just know I like girls."
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  ReiDavidson on Sun Feb 01, 2009 11:38 pm

First of all, I want to say thank you for that long post. That took a lot of insight and a strong need to help others by sharing your story.

Secondly, I'm very sorry about the loss of your father and I'm so happy that you received closure concerning your sexuality with him.

Thirdly, I think everyone in this thread has been very open and brave. :3 I love this forum already.

Fourthly, I didn't think to say when i came out to myself. And honestly, it's a similar story. I would get puppy crushes on guys but I never felt like they were cute the way other girls talked about. I thought "what if I'm gay?"

I live in Texas, which is a very conservative place, and I'm not proud to say I took a hint from my peers and decided gay people were stupid and wrong just because that was what I was told. So when I realized I might be, I freaked out and suppressed and denied it.

Then in Junior High, this girl walked by and without even thinking, I turned and gave her a once over. Then immediately was like ".... WHAT ARE YOU DOING???"

Slowly I came to terms with it. Considered myself bi and then slowly admitted to myself I was a lesbian.

I'm much happier with me now. <3
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  Avie on Mon Feb 02, 2009 3:53 pm

Oneswhouseyou-What a sad story but a fulfilling one in the end ! I had tears in the corners of my eyes after I read the part about your mother telling you about the conversation she had with your dad concerning homosexuality. Y_Y I hope you are well !
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  OnesWhoUseYou on Fri Feb 06, 2009 8:23 pm

I'm really glad that you all enjoyed my long post! :D I try really hard not to be too wordy, but I enjoy rambling far too much. So it's good to know that my long posts won't be frowned upon here. <3 At least not all the time, heh.

And thank you all for your comments regarding my dad. You're a bunch of sweethearts, and I'm glad that my story touched some of you! That's all I can hope for.

The whole being able to appreciate that a man is attractive without being attracted is very relatable.


Heh, I actually had to explain that to my best friend. She was talking to me about this guy she liked, and paused for a moment to try and explain to me why he was hot. I interrupted her, saying that, yeah, I knew he was attractive. I'd have to be blind not to see that. "After all," I said. "It's not like I suddenly couldn't see men anymore the moment I came out to myself. There isn't a blank spot whenever I look at a guy. That isn't how it works." We laughed, and it still comes up in conversation sometimes. 'How could you see him? You're gay!'
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  tara on Fri Feb 06, 2009 9:27 pm

That reminds me of Rosie O'Donnell. You know how she had that obsession with Tom Cruise before he went weird, and so when she came out people were like "What? But you love Tom Cruise!" and she said she liked him in a want to see him in a bathing suit bringing her lemonade by the pool kind of way.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  Fly Hue on Sat Feb 07, 2009 9:03 am

The first time I had to explain this was to guys. It didn't work.

I know that straight girls are able to appreciate what is beautiful in another girl. They know when a girl is attractive. So I thought that men would work the same way. But according to their claims they don't... which made this just.... impossible to explain in the given situation. I was like... So how do you know what girls are looking for in you as a man physically. But they still claimed not to know. And I.... just think that's ridiculous. :/ Men must have SOME clue what they're supposed to look like in order to fit into the conventional spectrum of attractive.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  greven on Sat Feb 07, 2009 9:55 am

Fly Hue wrote:The first time I had to explain this was to guys. It didn't work.

I know that straight girls are able to appreciate what is beautiful in another girl. They know when a girl is attractive. So I thought that men would work the same way. But according to their claims they don't... which made this just.... impossible to explain in the given situation. I was like... So how do you know what girls are looking for in you as a man physically. But they still claimed not to know. And I.... just think that's ridiculous. :/ Men must have SOME clue what they're supposed to look like in order to fit into the conventional spectrum of attractive.

Im just talking for myself here but we can see who is attractive and who is not, to some extent at least.
But we are never aware that we know, we dont see a guy and realise that he is hot, if we are asked to point out the pretiest guy in the room we can do it, but we just dont look at other guys that way.

But if we try, sure we can figure out who is hot and who is not.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  ReiDavidson on Wed Feb 18, 2009 11:50 am

Plus there's always exceptions to the rule. Between you and me, I'd totally boink Johnny Depp if he dressed like Jack Sparrow for me.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  greven on Wed Feb 18, 2009 2:32 pm

ReiDavidson wrote:Plus there's always exceptions to the rule. Between you and me, I'd totally boink Johnny Depp if he dressed like Jack Sparrow for me.

That is a no brainer.
Hell! I would do him if he was dressed as Jack sparrow! Very Happy
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  Fly Hue on Wed Feb 18, 2009 7:12 pm

Yeah. I'm pretty sure there are a few people on my list that I'd break my Vow of Lesbianism for. Actually, most any celebrity I'd think. I'm a rep whore. "Yeah, I hit that." BD
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  JGray on Thu Feb 19, 2009 11:35 am

You guys do realize Jack Sparrow's teeth were rotting out of his skull and he likely had an STD or two, right? Now, if you were to pick the OTHER Captain Jack (Captain Jack Harkness of Torchwood) then I'd understand. He's a total yummy yum.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  ReiDavidson on Thu Feb 19, 2009 11:48 am

*gasp! You take that back right now! T_T
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  greven on Thu Feb 19, 2009 4:39 pm

JGray wrote:You guys do realize Jack Sparrow's teeth were rotting out of his skull and he likely had an STD or two, right? Now, if you were to pick the OTHER Captain Jack (Captain Jack Harkness of Torchwood) then I'd understand. He's a total yummy yum.

You sir are missing a little thing we like to call the point.



We are not talking about doing Jack Sparrow, we are talking about doing an actor who plays Jack Sparrow, meaning no rotten teeth and no STD's.
But he does keep the devilish good looks.
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Lol

Post  FoxxinMinx on Sat Feb 21, 2009 8:15 pm

Sooo how did this topic go from coming out... to .. doing Johnny Depp ... Shocked Smile but I admit I'd tottally turn the "other way" for Johnny Depp annnd Hugh Laurie ... Twisted Evil

Well... If I might reply to the original question , I'd have to say that... Coming out was a bit... Confusing and well hectic afterwords..

I'd always known my mom wouldn't have a problem with it because she was very open ... still when I sat on the couch and told her I was breaking out in a sweat

I'm one of those girls , who... You can't really tell I'm a skirt chaser... It's just not obvious when people meet me... I kind of like it that way though...

Mum says she had always had a sort of idea... but ...hmm? I have no idea how..

Well a girl at my school had actually asked me out and I didn't know what to do because, Of course no one knew I was a lesbian... I infact was a bit confused as to whether i should come out or not...

So me and my mom where sitting on the couch talking about the day and ... I lowered my head a bit..

" ummm... mom?"
" yes honey?"
"xxxxxx asked me out today.."
" xxxx who?"
"xxxxx..."
" girl or boy?"
"girl..."
"oh....OH!!"

lol and then we discussed that I liked girls....
my dad however was a different story... But I won't waste my time on that because he was drunk at the time and doesn't even remember it.. and I didn't notice... haha wasted words... thats kind of bitter... im sorry... haha Razz
My friends however just asked alot of questions I got a bit of grief from some guys at school but I'm a strong girl and smart on highheels and they can suck on the pointy tip of my inkpens and keep there opinions to themself... I respect there ideas ... But doesn't mean they have to talk to me bout em... ^_^ I'm rambeling... I'm gonna stop... haha ^_^
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