I need a monkey wrench.

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I need a monkey wrench.

Post  greven on Tue Apr 07, 2009 5:25 pm

I need problems, big time, I need something to go wrong, I need to get beaten up, I need to get scammed, I need someone to ruin something in my life. No I don’t want the trouble, but I am beginning to think that I need it.
I am a strange guy, I don’t get mad for more than 5 minutes, I don’t hold grudges, I don’t get prejudice, I don’t get love, I cant understand jealousy and I can’t see how someone can be with someone they don’t love.
I live in a world of ideals that I don’t believe in myself, I believe in 2 principles: Logic and Cause and effect.
That is it.

I don’t believe in ghosts, god, luck or superstition. But I am coming to believe that this isn’t a good thing. Life aint perfect, I can set myself beyond ANY situation, I can argue for terrorism, if you have a good enough reason I can be convinced of anything. If you can argue for why some guy had to die, then for all I know you might be able to convince me that murder was the right thing to do.
Can you see what is going on here? I live by logic in a world that is ruled by feelings that denies all the things I live by.

So I need a monkey wrench, I am smart, I can see that I don’t live realistically but I cant just change, and the way I see it I need something drastic to actually change. I need a monkey wrench, I need to know “real” anger, I need to know feelings, not reactions. Shit I am not meant to be a cold calculating bastard before I am 45 rich and ruining the environment through some terrible company.

I don’t know where I am going with this or if it made any sence, I just needed to write it.
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Re: I need a monkey wrench.

Post  eSilva on Mon Apr 13, 2009 2:01 am

You have some serious issues. I mean this in the most concerned way I possibly can!


For one how can you say that you don't live realistically? Don't now how you pulled THAT probability out of your gas pipe. But I could easily say the same thing about myself and you may think otherwise. As I am now.
If this makes any sense..ultimately I'm saying that we never know, ya know? lol

I think it's hilarious that you said you'd end up rich and ruining the planet. For someone so logical, you don't have the greatest logic (maybe it's me). Who knows, it may be like those math geniuses who can solve an extremely complicated algorithm but have no clue what 2 + 2 is.

You know that you need to change, apparently.

Let's see..the best way to get a person to react emotionally is to put them in a situation that is probable and related to them. Hey Greven, is there anything at all that you would call yourself emotionally attached to or affected by? I'm sure you've -felt- something before.
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Re: I need a monkey wrench.

Post  Emilyelizabethx on Mon Apr 13, 2009 6:52 am

Become a Communist. Razz
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Re: I need a monkey wrench.

Post  greven on Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:01 am

I say I live unrealistically because I see the world as.... lets say a math problem.
I see the world as a bunch of math problems with a A, B and C being what is happening, and X being the mental state, and Y being whatever reaction is found at the end.
That is how I see the world, as a big math problem, and as long as you know how to roll your ABC's and can give a qualified guess on the X you can predict the outcome of every situation known to man. The problem with this is that it only works in 2 things: Kinder Gardens, and politics. Kids arent that unique if you will and therefore you can pretty acuratly figure out how they react, in politics you can predict the outcome because of the fact that politicians makes sure to make decisions based on what they were elected on, making them very easy to read.

I know this, but I find myself seing every situation as a completely readable math problem, and that is despite the fact that Humans are way too diverse and complicated for this.
If you are happy and drunk (x) and I am trying to pick you up in a bar, I deside to make a joke about Gays and lesbians(ABC's) to get closer to you in my attempt to score. Not knowing that you are in fact a lesbian, I read the situation like this: My joke can either fail, and leave my chances worse as you get a bit uncomfortable with the situation, or it can succeed; making you think that I am a funny guy.
What I dont know is that you are a lesbian yourself and gets offended leading to you beating the crap out of me.
Do you see where I am going with this?

The human being is too complex to squees into a math problem as there are too many hidden things we dont know about each other, you may have a childhood trauma for spiders or some guy named james bullied you in school leading you to hate James'. These examples are a bit far out I know, but I was just trying to get a point across.


I am not going to end up rich and ruining the planet, it was not to be taken litteral. I was using... I dont know the word: Picture writing...? To get a point across. The point that obviously failed was that you are not meant to be cold and speculating when you havent even hit 20 yet. Instead it is something you are meant to build up over 30 years when working at some dead end job where you need the emotinoal barrier to keep yourself from going mad.

I know a lot of things, it is the actual action that is hard.

It is hard for a man to show emotions as we are taught not to do so, the last time I cried whithout actually wanting it was (this is the part where most people think I am fucking around but I assure you that I am not) in 2005 during tokyo game show.
I was watching Nintendo's press conference from home over live streaming and that is where they first showed the Wii controller. (I am not kidding here.)
My reason for crying was that it all seemed like one big gimmick, after over a year of hype and anticipation for the Revolution we were given the Wii-mote, and during that night in front of the PC, I was completely sure that this was the end of Nintendo. I thought that this remote-thing was going to be the end of the company I had been following religiously since the Nintendo 64 and you know what? THAT is the last time I remember involentarily crying.


--->Emilyelizabethx
Communist jokes are not funny to anyone outside the US. Just thought I would let you know.
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Re: I need a monkey wrench.

Post  Emilyelizabethx on Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:17 am

Its not a joke. Shocked And I'm not IN the US.
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Re: I need a monkey wrench.

Post  tara on Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:29 am

So ... what? You want to be molested? You want to have someone in your life killed? Want to be the victim of a hate crime? You want to feel something other than monotony so you'd rather feel pain then anything else? You want to validate the uncaring way you feel about the world and living in general by having something ACTUALLY bad happen to you?

There are a lot of people who would like to trade places with you.

The world doesn't owe you anything. Go out and make the mistakes yourself if you want them, don't sit and play your video games and expect the bad things to happen to you. Or good things, either.
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Re: I need a monkey wrench.

Post  Emilyelizabethx on Mon Apr 13, 2009 9:07 am

What I meant when I said become a Communist, is become politically active.
Political involvement can really make you feel worth something, and you're helping people, so its productive. Wether its volunteering for a charity or going on rallies. Help people. That way you'll experience way more than you could imagine.
And, as a Marxist-Leninist-Trotskyte, I believe Communism is the way forward. So I'm obv. going to suggest you to join. Do something good for the world instead of sitting around complaining about how you have nothing to complain about.
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Re: I need a monkey wrench.

Post  greven on Mon Apr 13, 2009 9:24 am

--->Emilyelizabethx
I have great respect for politicians and all things related to it, but it is not the way to go for me. I am not gonna start talking politics here because that will only lead to anger, and I dont want you to hate me Razz

--->Tara
You see Tara, that is exactly the responce I was expecting, it is very hard for me to explain my problem, and I suspect even harder for someone to get it. I dont blame you for thinking that I am bitching here, I dont blame you at all, because from your point of view that is exactly what I am doing.

I dont want any trouble at all.
But you see my problem is that I have had a very good life, this sounds stupid and selfcentered I know, and I am aware that many people envy my life to put it that way. But lets be realistic here: Good things go bad, it is common sense that you cant live a whole life without running into a wall or two on the way. Most people run into some of them in their childhood or teenage years, and these experiences help them when they run into trouble later in their life, it becomes a sort of emergency life saver pakage thing. If things go to shit, they pull out their prior experience and floats to safty using knowledge they have gained in those early years.

But what happens to someone who doesnt have that experience to draw from? I have no way to deal with a major crisis because my most traumaticing moments from my childhood is getting yelled at by my mother.

Your right, the world doesnt owe me jack shit, it never did and I will never say that it do. I am not saying that anyone should come to my house and kill my family just to make me stronger, I am simply stating what I consider to be a simple fact: I need an obstacle to grow through if I am to grow at all.
If a plant hits a wall as it comes through the ground it is able to grow through it, if a 2 feet high plant hits a wall it stops growing.

Like I said, I dont blame you for hating on me with this one, I expected it, and I fully understand that I sound like an ungrateful brat, who knows maybe I am.
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Re: I need a monkey wrench.

Post  tara on Mon Apr 13, 2009 9:45 am

Oh I know, I understand you, because I am the same. I come from a very privileged family. I have nothing noteworthy to complain about, and as a result, whenever I do run into my own (comparatively minute) problems I feel that they are unworthy feeling upset about. Or feeling anything about them, because compared to someone else my problems are trivial. This leads to feeling unworthy to get or experience anything. I never had to work too hard, so I never felt the need to grow to overcome my problems. But just because I know what you mean, doesn't mean I can't think that we're both stupid.

Hey! I went all the way to China to experience something new. And guess what? I'm still me here. Grass, greener, etc.
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Re: I need a monkey wrench.

Post  greven on Mon Apr 13, 2009 9:55 am

Of course it doesnt, I know all the logic as well and from that standpoint I know I am the biggest git ever, but it doesnt really change how I feel. God dammit ignorance is bliss sometimes.

Hey at least you have the balls to actually go out of your way to let something happen, I am too damn afraid to seek out new options. I am so caught up in wanting safety that i can barely redo my day to day schedual. How is that Mulan quote?

"He cant go to the toilet without a backup plan."

I am something like that.
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Re: I need a monkey wrench.

Post  Emilyelizabethx on Mon Apr 13, 2009 2:04 pm

I more meant getting involved with something worthwhile, you know? Like a charity or political campaign or fighting against something you feel strong about, like racism, etc.
And don't worry about angering me. I'm a Commie, everything's already been said to me at some point Razz
In any case, when you do come to an obsticle, then you'll get through it somehow. Experience alone can sometimes not be enough, but you need to draw on personal strengths.
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Re: I need a monkey wrench.

Post  Joneko on Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:25 pm

The only way you can beat this is to actually force yourself into a new situation. As long as you say you're scared and don't do anything, I hate to say that it's only your own fault that nothing is happening to you. New situations can be terrifying, and that's why they're also life-changing. Until you actually get up and try something new, whether or not it scares you, I don't know what anyone else can do for you.

You say you want change but then you say you're too afraid to create it. In that case, while some suffer because bad things do happen to them, I supposed you're just going to doom yourself to be miserable because nothing does. And it isn't reasonable to sit and wait and woe because nothing happens to you on its own, and I don't know that many people are going to feel much pity for your situation, no matter how you explain it, if you don't have the will to change it. Having the want or the wish, and having the will, are two very different things.

Also, EmLiz (that is now your new nickname, I apologize if you hate it), you and I should have a long talk about politics. I've never met a Communist before (a friend of mine is a pseudo-Socialist-but-not-quite) and I find these things fascinating.
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Re: I need a monkey wrench.

Post  greven on Tue Apr 14, 2009 12:02 am

Joneko wrote: Having the want or the wish, and having the will, are two very different things.
And that is where you nail the problem, I have the want the wish, and the knowledge, but I lack the will.
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Re: I need a monkey wrench.

Post  Guest on Tue Apr 21, 2009 1:44 am

greven, I read your first post and all i want to say is maybe you think too much. That is entirely possible. I know because i've done it. It's possible for you to go over and over things in your head so much that you become frozen. You might be living in your own head. You will have to allow yourself to stop doing that. You will have to allow yourself to left go of your head sometimes so to speak. I mean this in the best possible way. Just stop. You are good and wonderful the way you are. You don't need to force some type of transformation on yourself. Try and just be. jocolor

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Re: I need a monkey wrench.

Post  greven on Tue Apr 21, 2009 4:45 am

you are correct Bryter, I DO think way too much a fact I am painfully aware of. But my mind is stock on overdrive, and my brake is out of commision.
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Re: I need a monkey wrench.

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