Your coming out story

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Re: Your coming out story

Post  Fly Hue on Fri Mar 27, 2009 4:04 pm

greven wrote:Wait wait wait... You were staring at the biggest virtual boobs in existence and you focus on the ASS? that is just a waste.

Its nice to hear from someone who actually have a nice stepmom, that seems to be unusual with the people I meet.
Most parents seems to think that "gayness" is just a faze to get over, they seem to refuse to believe that it could happen to their kid, I mean they are straight, of course they get straight kids right?

TeeHee. I'm an assgirl. X)
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  greven on Fri Mar 27, 2009 5:17 pm

I dont really get turned on by either, I dont realy have any physical turn ons, only mental turn ons. I have Turn offs from the looks though Smile Like girls who appear to be unaware that they are... well fat, and dress in tops and stuff, which just ends up making their overweight painfully clear. I am all in for the whole "be proud of your body" thing, but I dont go showing off my tiny pale stick arms at every ocasion.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  fungeki on Wed Apr 08, 2009 9:27 pm

wyldflowa wrote:I haven't technically came out - but then I don't technically consider myself either lesbian or bisexual. If I meet someone I like I like them, it doesn't matter what's below their belt... and I just happen to have hopelessly fallen in love with a girl. ^^;

I think that means your pansexual. or a very open-minded bisexual as my friend likes to call it. ^^

I'm like that too. Gender really doesn't matter much to me.

But I have came out to a friend first, then more friends, then my mom (who told my dad and I didn't find out that he knew until a year later...) and now I just randomly mention it whenever it comes up. I don't feel the need to introduce myself and say Hi I'm fungeki and I'm free label! (just no... I don't assume you're straight until you TELL me other wise.)

But I got a lot of labels for myself. Pansexual is just one of them. I usually rotate them and my friends know that I tend to change my label a lot but my parents know me as bi. (it got the point across there is a chance I'm gonna date a girl)

other labels I got are: free label, queer (it means anything different from the norm, not just an umbrella term), two-spirited (which apparently i should watch my use of since its a first nation term and I'm not a native... but I used to really love this label and would call myself that all the time ^^), or open minded bisexual. lolz

Anyone else got more than one label?
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My story? hmm...

Post  eSilva on Sat Apr 11, 2009 1:32 am

My mother caught me talking to my girlfriend on the phone. Her face was livid. She didn't slap me...but she told me the obvious crap. Phase, you're young, you don't know, no you're not.

We avoided the conversation for a long time. I never gave in to her thoughts, I defended myself.

Eventually she came around but as much as she would love to see me with a man, she also wants me to be "The best damn lesbian you can be!" which ....I couldn't stop laughing at! What the hell did she mean??? Sexually? (GO MOM!) or personality (GO MOM)....either way...ever since then she has been more accepting.


As for the rest of my family

Dad: It's your life. If you want to live like that, it's your problem. (basically he doesn't like it but isn't going to change it either)
Sister: Do you really? Like..do you have no attraction to men? But you've told me you liked boy! (me: it's kinda 90% chicks and 10% dicks)
Elder Brother: So what's the deal are you a lesbian or not?! (He still doesn't know??? lol)
Twin Brother: Gross. (His opinion...I still don't know! He doesn't believe me still I suppose)

FRIENDS: Okay...? Kinda knew that there! (And I thought I hid it well! lol)

That's about it for me...

During that time it hurt a lot to be denied and I would cry myself to sleep at time but once and only once have I ever cried out sheer joy that my mother had finally said "BE THE BEST DAMN LESBIAN YOU CAN BE" .....still cracks me up!


So yeah. there ya go.~


Nothing really angsty about it at all
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  greven on Sat Apr 11, 2009 2:19 am

How the hell are you a good lesbian? That is a question for the ages Razz

As for the friends I am noticing a pattern, it is aparently very hard to hide it from your friends, as pretty much everyone here says that at least some of their friends knew.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  eSilva on Sat Apr 11, 2009 2:29 am

I don't know!!! lol. You tell me. Razz

And yeah...just goes to show that the friends do pay attention!
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  Guest on Fri Apr 17, 2009 10:03 pm

ok, my story, hmm let me think...Well the funniest part of the whole thing was I had NO idea. I was probably the most shocked. For grades 7-12, I attended an all girls school (ha, clue), uniforms and everything. Things were good, involved in lots of activities, grades good and all that. i had a great group of friends who were like me into all kinds of stuff. we were the group that got along well with everyone. Anyways,I wasn't and nobody was concerned about me having a boyfriend, getting a boyfriend, etc. I was into stuff and so busy; i figured it'd come in time, when i found somebody i really liked and you know just a matter of time. We were a small school and everybody knew everybody regardless of grade lvl. Long story short, this girl who was one grade younger than I and whom i'd known for years, we found ourselves together a lot, thanks to all these clubs and afterschool activities. I can't say how exactly but we started spending time exclusively with each other and though it was never verbalized, it was fairly clear (to us) we were connecting maybe beyond just friends. Funny, because in all our years of going to that school we were barely friends and rarely interacted. One day, we were hanging at her house, in her room, like usual. I was lounging on her bed and she just came over to me, put her face close to mine, leaned down and kissed me! Two thoughts went through my head at the same time: omg, I'm terrified and omg, I so want this. the terrified part was apparent because she pulled back, stared at me and asked "are you ok" and i said yes and i'm sure we probably just made out the whole rest of the time. I just remember that kiss because it was like this sweet shock, that I like girls and it was confirmed for me and then other things fell into place and made sense. Before junior year, I swear i had no clue. I mean i knew what lesbians were but i was like going eww along with everyone else. Thank god she made a move, I would have been too scared to. And if she hadn't I wonder how much longer it would have taken me before i realized i was gay.

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Re: Your coming out story

Post  eSilva on Fri Apr 17, 2009 10:25 pm

i love your coming out story!!! thats all i can say!
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  Guest on Sat Apr 18, 2009 12:52 am

Thank you. This was one of the nice parts of my coming out process. That's not to say i didn't have difficulties later in the areas people have been describing: family, friends, acceptance of self. But I feel lucky that I had a mostly positives or at least postives to balance the negatives.

oh and greven want to know what makes someone a good lesbian, oh excuse me, a DAMN GOOD LESBIAN?

She can be one just by being herself. (Oh, yeah and maybe a U-haul truck helps, too) Totally. geek i know this is supposed to be a geek but this looks like the lesbian smiley to me. lol

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Re: Your coming out story

Post  eSilva on Sat Apr 18, 2009 1:15 am

Hahaha. It DOES look like a lesbian smiley...

and as for the "DAMN GOOD LESBIAN"...a u-haul...the sad thing is..I'mma have to at least drive one at some point! lol.

But really...if there WAS a "damn good lesbian" ...ah nvm, it would probably be the stereotypical lesbian.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  greven on Sat Apr 18, 2009 4:12 am

That was a great story Bryter, that is better than most love stories I have read.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  Guest on Sun Apr 19, 2009 2:07 am

Thank you. As i recall, i'd kissed guys before but there was never any of that "wow" fireworks stuff. I could never see what the big deal was. But when she kissed me it was like wow, ding, ding, ding, fireworks! If you'd had said to me after that moment, you will never kiss guys again, i'd be like "perfectly fine." But if you'd said to me no more girls ever, i'd be like "no, i have a big problem with that." It just cemented it for me.

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Re: Your coming out story

Post  shia on Sun May 10, 2009 4:46 pm

My coming out story...
Well, after my girlfriend and I had been dating for a few months, we had kind of a fight. It wasn't really a "fight" perse, but... she had had a pretty big crush on my older brother before we got together, and at a family party at my house that she was invited to, she was spending all her time with my brother and not with me. To make matters worse for me, when she had to leave she gave my brother a hug goodbye and didn't say a word to me. I was completely devastated and went to my room SOBBING. Basically, my parents were trying to get me to tell them why I was so upset, and I finally told them... they were alright with it. They aren't amazingly supportive, but they're still fine with it.
Pretty much every time I tell someone, I cry. When I told my best friend Sashie, I cried; when I told my good friend Hiba, I cried... though when I told my brothers (at seperate times, though), I wasn't crying... just very nervous, understandably.

Um, so that's not very interesting, but that's it!

The funny thing is, we don't really have to officially come out at school, because everyone just seems to KNOW.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  greven on Sun May 10, 2009 5:04 pm

You know to me shia, that story was one of the best.
It is good to hear from someone who came out without major problems. It might not be the greatest drama, but at least it is heartwarming and reasuring for those of us who might need to come out at one point ourselves Smile
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  shia on Sun May 10, 2009 5:38 pm

Aww, yay, thanks.
I'm actually surprised I haven't had any major problems. I live in a redneck area, but the worst I've gotten is yelled insults and paper thrown at me(which might've been about the way I dress, not my orientation). So that's pretty cool.

Still, I'm one of those people who refuse anything but to be treated completely fairly, so even if what I get is only slightly different than what heteros get, I will still be offended.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  greven on Sun May 10, 2009 5:46 pm

Understanable, but of course you need to be careful with that. You have got to be able to differentiate discrimination and causion.
When meeting someone "strange" (because lets face it: GLBT isnt normal) there will always be a period of "what am I supposed to do here?" before the realisation that nothing is different. But that WTF moment will always be there, it is just a question of how good they hide it.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  shia on Sun May 10, 2009 5:57 pm

That's true.

What I mean isn't that part of it, but just... other parts.
Like people who say "Well even if your parents don't accept you, at least they aren't kicking you out!"
I will not be happy with that. I want people to accept me just as much as they would anyone else. And even though my parents do accept me well enough, it pisses me off when my mom is talking about my girlfriend and she hesitates for a moment before referring to her as my "friend".
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  greven on Sun May 10, 2009 7:27 pm

Yeah I see your point, and though getting pissed over your mother hesitating like that might seem a bit... childish at the lack of a better word, I can understand that it can get one down when it keeps happening
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  Lunaris on Sun May 31, 2009 3:31 am

Mmm...coming out, coming out, coming out...

I think the only thing that stops me from coming out to most people is that I was never really 'in' to begin with. If you like longer posts, here goes one. Probably. I don't know how long it'll be before I type it.

My biggest thing is that I'm not like most people. Now, before someone says again in here that GLBT isn't really 'normal' anyways...that's not what I mean. I always feel a bit outside the circles regardless because unlike what seems to be every other non-hetero I talk to...I can't remember being 'born' this way. I didn't start out liking girls, or anything like that. Circumstance was more my deciding factor. I tend to follow the roads life lays out for me.

My first relationship was about eleven years ago, give or take a few months. Just a boy I knew from school, we weren't serious, but I liked him. When it ended, it was right on to another guy. It's what I wanted, it's what I felt. I liked the boys fully. Problems happen though. I've never dealt well with violence. I can fight back, but I have more of a tendency to curl up or try to run off. Over the next couple of years I had a couple of bad relationships that ended rather abruptly after such happenings.

Don't give me any pity, or sorrow, or sympathies. It's all stuff behind me. I say it just to explain how I got to where I am. Far as I'm concerned, it was all probably for the best. I got sick of wondering if the next guy would be better, or if I should back off. Worry, doubt, insecurity.

It was a hard, but conscious, decision to try switching teams. Food isn't all that has acquired tastes on the shelf. I broke a heart or two before it really started to sink into my skull that I really could enjoy the company of other girls. It was awkward at first, I felt like I was doing something I shouldn't, that wasn't right for me. I decided it had to be done though if I didn't want to be some lonely recluse with no one to dance with at all the school functions.

I guess it was kind of like learning how to walk in a new pair of shoes.

I'd just assumed things would be peachier, and for the most part they were. It was a more leveled playing field, a game I could play and run with. Girls have their problems too, though. My problems mostly ran along the lines that they decided they wanted someone else, usually a guy. Someone to hang on to and look all prim and proper with. At least with the guys I was the one usually doing the leaving if things went sour.

Around my eighteenth year I just decided I didn't care anymore. I didn't want to be alone, but I wasn't going to draw any distinctions on companionship. I wasn't going to hide myself. Never had before, no reason to start. This was easy enough to accomplish anyways, 'habitual smartassery' is pretty much genetic in my family. For all I know, my ability to run my mouth when I started talking about something I liked might have been a part of some of my previous problems.

The big point was, though, that I made the decision that, man or woman, I was going to one day find the person right for me.

Six years later, I'm still chewing that same stick of gum and wishing it had more flavor. I'm stubborn like that.

If I fit any label, it's a mixed one. I dont know if Straight/Les/Bi is appropriate since I've ran all of them. I hate labels though. I've never seen the need to feel like I'm different. I wasn't part of the GSA in college, I've never worn a Straight or Gay Pride t-shirt. I don't wear rainbow anything. Day of Silence? I extended it in my mind to include everyone of every orientation, ethnicity background...every walk of life. Maybe I was an idiot who didn't look hard enough, but I never saw the equivalent for anyone else.

Don't get me wrong, I support everyone who does all that and sympathize with what they go through, but it always seemed to me like I could just do more and roll with whatever life dealt me.

And just for the stereotype, I'm not a vegetarian. I've also had enough 'real' men to know what I am or am not missing at any given point in time. Being treated like the sidewalk under a jackhammer just doesn't appeal to me anymore. Never did, really.

If I look for anything it's a nice personality and how much I enjoy hanging out with someone. If I can't enjoy hanging out with them, living with them one day would be absolute hell.

How people react to hearing my preferences depends entirely on which gender a partner they see me with most. If I'm with a girl, they find it easy enough to accept I'm not straight. If they've known me more during the times I dated men, it's more a surprise. I don't hide, I don't try to.

I'm an open book if anyone just bothers turning the page and reading.

All that said, I've never came out to anyone in my own family. I don't see the need or the point, and I never have. I know it's important to a lot of people, so I just blame my own circumstances.

Thing of it is, I know how they'll react anyways. I've been caught doing some things before that lead to enough awkward silences and screaming bitch-fits that proclaiming I'm as likely to couple up with a woman as I am a man just doesn't seem sensible. If they're happy to think of me as a straight, I'm content to let them go to the grave with it.

My dad and both my grandmas are extremely critical of anyone not of perfectly heterosexual leanings anyways, and they are rather vocal in their views. I try not to judge, until my own circumstances changed I had times where I agreed. I just made it a point not to beat myself up over saying "Fuck this, I'm going the other way."

Most of it is the area they live in and how they were raised, things beyond their control or help, so I can't really fault them for it. I can't bring myself to justify telling them something for the sake of being yelled at either. Some of my ideals lean more conservative, so I can usually find some topic or another to agree on and be happy with.

Though I do not prefer one over the other, I have a much easier time personally with flirting with men, so it's not like it's difficult to keep my cover on that front. I flirt easier with men, I tease women easier. I don't know where that one came from, and I'm not going to speculate. It's 5:30 am at this moment and I haven't slept yet. I can speculate all anyone wants later.

Overall, if it even matters in the least (Which I don't think it ever really should), I'm middle of the road. Politics is something I try not to discuss because I've lost more potential friendships over such 'talks' than anything else. If we can, let's maybe try to talk about other things, if you want to talk to me at all. I don't bite. No matter what the police report said.

Where I'm going with this now, I don't know. Probably as good a place as any to stop.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  greven on Sun May 31, 2009 9:27 am

That was perhaps the most interesting thing I have read in here to date Smile
Honestly it does kind of anoy me because my usual "it is not something you choose" just took a beating XD
I could say something about you having been bi all along but not knowing but what is the point? I feel I can kind of connect with you, I went out with girls (or at least tried to XD) for most my life, and never really considered the other side of the fence, but unlike you who decided to do it, I just kind of realised that maybe there was something on the other side of the fence as well.

One thing I will say though is that you work great with metaphor's made me laugh a bit Smile
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  Lunaris on Sun May 31, 2009 1:09 pm

greven wrote:That was perhaps the most interesting thing I have read in here to date Smile
Honestly it does kind of anoy me because my usual "it is not something you choose" just took a beating XD
I could say something about you having been bi all along but not knowing but what is the point? I feel I can kind of connect with you, I went out with girls (or at least tried to XD) for most my life, and never really considered the other side of the fence, but unlike you who decided to do it, I just kind of realised that maybe there was something on the other side of the fence as well.

One thing I will say though is that you work great with metaphor's made me laugh a bit Smile
Don't misread me, don't get me wrong...I know for most people it's not a choice they have or that they make. I realize completely that I'm a bit of an odd cookie in the mix. At the time, I didn't see any way else to go, anything else to do. I got fed up with one load of crap, traded it for another, and finally just figured to hell with it all.

Do I figure there are others with similar stories? Yeah, I do. Mind you, it's mostly because I hate to think I'm alone on the boat. I'm not saying anyone else does or does not have to fit my ideals or my story. My story is my own.

I suppose being secretly 'bi' all my life is possible, but it's not something I put too much stock in. If that's the case, I really had to try to get the bi-ness to come out.

It really took a lot of personal effort to get that ball rolling. The first couple of casual tries didn't work.

I've said plenty though. I don't know why I'm trying to explain something. I don't undertand things all that well myself so...sounds pointless. I'm just glad someone found my story interesting. Thank you.

And no matter what impression my writing may give (All that 'stopped caring' and 'to hell with it' talk) I am not overly cynical. I'm a very good-humored and cheery-natured person. I have my moments, but everyone does.

I simply mean I decided I want to be loved by a person, not the genitals between their legs. I want that too...but now I'll take what I can get. And don't read too much into that...I can be quite picky. My ocean has a lot of fish in it now.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  alain1609 on Sun May 31, 2009 1:45 pm

i enjoyed a lot reading your post, i thing everyone is different.
we're marked by our circumstances and people can make the choice that fits their needs.
or at least that's what i think Smile
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Part 1: Friends

Post  greven on Thu Jul 16, 2009 12:53 am

So basically I finally told my friends about me being bi.
I was going to tell them about it at a barberque but it pretty quickly got decided that I was going to head home to one of my friends and sleep there after the barberque party thingie. So I knew it would be very awkward if I had told them that day, so I kept it under wraps and just had a blast all night with my friends.
Good times but not really revealing at all, so In the words of al pachino in scarface: Fuck. (does he say anything else in that movie?)
So me and my friends kind of live pretty spread out meaning that we dont get to meet each other that often, so instead of waiting for eons and awkward up the next meeting I decided to do this on my home turf.
That is right, I chikened out and used the internet.
I told them over Facebook, yeah lame I know. but I did, and they took it really well, not that I was surprised, I was never really afraid of them leaving, just didnt want things to get awkward.
But they were pretty cool about it Very Happy One of my female friends even asked if I was turned on by her boyfriend, who also happens to be one of my best friends, the answer to which was "Hell no" XD
We had a good laugh about that, told him I was more of a Zack efron kind of guy Razz
She also asked me if it wasnt confusing liking both XD How the hell should I answer that? I just said no, it comes naturally to me, just like it comes naturally to them to only like one or the other Smile

There is one guy I didnt tell on Facebook though, as he is not really a part of that friend group, the friends I wrote to on Facebook I knew from school. This last guy is the one I am most comfortable with of all my male friends, and I know him from after school, a gamer friend I guess Very Happy
But anyway I told him face to face. Was scared as shit, mainly because that when I told him about me being in doubt about my sexuality way back, he gave me the "it is just a phace" speech. So that kind of freaked me out a bit XD
Anyway, he was cool about it too, things were wierd for 10 minutes or so but after that we were just blasting our way through aliens in Resistance fall of man again Very Happy

So all in all it went well. I still havent told my family, and dont know when, how or if I will. I just know my mom will make a big fuss out of it, and I can just not be bothered with that at the moment. If I get a boyfriend sure I will tell them, but till the need arises I dont see any reason for a Part 2: family
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  Fly Hue on Thu Jul 16, 2009 10:07 am

I agree with the parents thing and waiting until it becomes something and such. As of right now it's still a new part of your life, and being attracted to guys does not necessarily mean that you'll end up dating one. And if you do it may be some time until you enter a new relationship, be it with a man or woman. I feel as if the older you are when you come out to them, the more seriously they'll take you so they won't try to pull that 'just a phase' stuff with you. And at the same time, you shouldn't be having secret relationships either. Those can bite you in the butt, kind of just a 'go figure'. Until then, perhaps you could consider being more casual about making jokes/comments about celebrities, that way when the time comes for you to tell it isn't THAT big of a shocker.
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Re: Your coming out story

Post  Guest on Thu Jul 16, 2009 1:00 pm

Good for you! Congrats!

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