Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

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Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  tara on Wed Apr 29, 2009 7:45 pm

I see in a few comics where they have a female character who comes out as lesbian she suddenly has to cut her hair short, and change her fashion sense to be more masculine, and in general if she is to be a lesbian she has to LOOK like a stereotypical lesbian.

I can understand this. When you first "become" anything you want to embrace it whole-heartedly, you want to tell the whole world. You want to fill your life with meaning and belonging, and you want to project that on the world. And if this gives you peace of mind then, okay.

But in some comics I've read it seems almost like there is no choice. Oh you're a lesbian? DING! Let's go shopping! Shopping solves all of our problems! Let's get you a new identity!! Let's reconcile what you've got on the outside with what you got on the inside!! As if being a lesbian has to take over every part of your life, as if it is a material thing that you need to collect. It seems to me a very shallow way to deal with an emotional situation.

Yeah, I have no point to this except to ask your opinions on this phenomena.
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  Joneko on Wed Apr 29, 2009 9:48 pm

Actually, funny enough, I've seen this happen in real life. It might be art imitating life, or people might assume that...

Well ok. So. If you see a lesbian that's all femme and whatnot you might not realize she's a lesbian.

So it might be a matter of veeeeeery faulty logic. "The lesbians I can pick out all look like dykes. That must mean that all lesbians look like dykes. That must mean that if you realize you're a lesbian and you don't look like a dyke, you need to change!"

I couldn't get through that with a straight face, actually.

When you mentioned this my first thought was Sara of Penny and Aggie. (...though I kinda think she's way cuter with that new look of hers.)
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  Guest on Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:07 pm

yeah, i hate that having to embrace your gayness or whatever. I went through that phase (not hair cutting) but wearing all this rainbow stuff being very "out" and all that. It's incredibly exhausting and unnecessary. Nobody really cares anymore anyway, they get it your gay.

I will talk from one end of another spectrum. I used to be really fem looking and that would create a problem sometimes because the guys would really notice and the gay girls would ignore me thinking i was straight. I also notice that some lesbians really frown on non-stereotypical leabians because...who knows why...they think they're not gay enough? So i wonder if having a "lesbian shopping party" is just a better way for people to identify you (does that make sense?) or show you belong to this particular group. It's like saying you're one of us.

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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  Joneko on Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:29 pm

Every once in awhile I pop a few glass beads in a rainbow on my peace sign. For when I'm feeling particularly...hm. Iunno. ...stand-out-ish?

Someone told me the other day that they wondered if I was gay but that they figured I was "too pretty to be a lesbian." This was her idea of a flattering pick-up line I...think. My mouth hung open. And I thought, "Oh god do I need to tattoo a rainbow on my forehead?"

So it could be that self-defining urge that for some people isn't a stage, just this constant need.

But I would be careful, because some people really DO consider their homosexuality a very prominent part of their personality, and one that they want to embrace and celebrate. So for some, 24/7 rainbows and 'out'-ness isn't a 'letting everyone know you're gay' thing so much as a genuine pride thing.
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  Emilyelizabethx on Thu Apr 30, 2009 4:05 am

I've noticed that, too. It can give off the wrong impression to oher lesbians who are reading, I think, because they then feel like they too have no choice.
Also, the same happens to guys, too, have you noticed? They're just ordinary guys and then suddenly they come out, and they're more camp than Alan Carr. Neutral
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  shia on Sun May 10, 2009 6:29 pm

Oh I know you what you mean. D:
I mean, stereotypes DO exist for a reason, but... not every gay or lesbian is instantly like the other gender. I have long hair and wear skirts all the time, and I'm a lesbian.

joneko wrote:
Someone told me the other day that they wondered if I was gay but that they figured I was "too pretty to be a lesbian." This was her idea of a flattering pick-up line I...think.

...
Are you serious??
Oh my god, that's terrible. :/
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  greven on Sun May 10, 2009 6:38 pm

I agree that is a pretty fucked up pickup line XD
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  Avie on Thu May 14, 2009 1:38 am

This is an interesting topic. I have short hair and I dress masculine-like but I didn't choose to have the "look" because of my orientation, I just feel comfortable. I never started out dressing feminine or masculine..I was always "in between."
I hate the fact that people assume a woman is lesbian because she has a short cut. Short hair is a style..I know plenty of friends that have short styles because it looks good on them.
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  greven on Thu May 14, 2009 2:33 am

Fun fact. All the Lesbians I know have short cut hair. I dont think it is required for lesbians to cut their hairs short or anything, it just seems to happen a lot. Not nessesarily BECAUSE they are lesbians, but because the Lesbians seems to like that style. (no offence intended in any way)
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  shia on Thu May 14, 2009 7:23 pm

Earlier today, on the bus, I was feeling really... strange.
Because I was thinking how most lesbians do seem to dress a bit more masculine, but I love dresses and skirts and lacy flowery things and am growing my hair long... but then I was thinking, what if that isn't what I like? What if it isn't what I should be liking, and I'm fooling myself into thinking I like those things because I think that's what a girl should like?
Even though I knew inside that I really DO like those things.

Gah, I hate it when I do that... I can't stop my mind from going around and around in circles and overthinking everything. It really screwed me up this morning and made me feel terrible.
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  greven on Thu May 14, 2009 10:51 pm

Thinking in those circles suck. I know because I do it a lot, and having had a full yeah of psychology in school really doesnt help.
The only way I have found useful to acually figure out what I feel from what I think I should, want, and soppoused to feel, is to go back in time.
Not in the litteral sense of course, but think back to the first time you thought about it. Back when you were a kid, did you run around in skirts? or did you run around in pants? The thing is that the kid in you just did what it wanted and didnt think about all those things that hinders the adult mind.

I hope that helped you somehow Smile
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  Valsira on Fri May 15, 2009 12:00 am

I've always had my hair short, like since when I was six, so before I developed any sense of my sexuality. Same thing with never wearing skirts or anything. Then round the end of high school my hairdresser went on maternity leave so I let it grow just 'cause I couldn't be bothered getting a new one. I absolutely hated having my hair long though, so I let my friend cut it at a party a couple of months ago. So relieving.

But yeah, it seems strange to completely change who you are just because of one aspect of yourself...but whatever.
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  Guest on Fri May 15, 2009 1:27 am

i cut my hair short once and it looked positively dreadful on me. It looked like Velmas haircut (you know, from Scooby Doo). So i never cut it that short again. In answer to greven's question, I was the ultimate tomboy from an early age. I ran around barefoot in shorts and pants. I played with my luke skywalker action figure, g.i. joes, and thundercats. I loved legos (i built some cool stuff). I also liked my little ponies and rainbow brite (remember those!) Oh, and punky brewster. I liked her too. albino

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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  eSilva on Fri May 15, 2009 10:38 am

hahaha punky brewster was awesome.

Its funny....I just recently cut my hair short and I had long my entire life. I cut it short-ish about two years ago but it looked HORRID. However I gave it another go and it looked better (did anyone notice my avi of me before my world conquering monkey??lol if not it's the on DD) So now that I read this thread I feel like I just hopped on the "lesbians have short hair" band wagon. So know I'm like this " Crying or Very sad " and "scratch"..heh. But I liked the cut. If anything it's made me look more feminine then long hair but quite a few people at work have told me I look more asian now and some even said "You look more like an anime, ya know those japanese cartoons." and these were people in their FORTIES, lol.

I've personally never liked dresses or skirts but i wore a lot of skorts when I was younger. As a compromise with my mother! I was too active as a kid. I climbed up a lot of things and skirts...well...that wouldn't have worked now would it!
But I was pretty much the same as Bryter played with "boys"toys (*giggle* boy toys xD) and "girls" toys. But now that I'm older I dress more feminine and I even carry what can barely pass as a purse, everywhere. (it's really more a messenger bag but considering the HUGE bags that are everywhere, it's not that noticeable)

Back to the first post tho, I also immediately thought of Sara from "Penny and Aggie" but I suppose the artist and author kind of made up for the fact that the other Lesbian character doesn't look like a stereotypical lesbian and more of what a "normal" teen would wear. I also like this look for Sara tho.
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  ReiDavidson on Fri May 15, 2009 7:44 pm


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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  eSilva on Fri May 15, 2009 8:52 pm

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE MENAGE A 3!!!

and that page says everything!
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  shia on Fri May 15, 2009 9:19 pm

greven wrote: Back when you were a kid, did you run around in skirts? or did you run around in pants? The thing is that the kid in you just did what it wanted and didnt think about all those things that hinders the adult mind.

Huh, I guess I did both. xD I did like dresses enough, so that's comforting.
Thanks~

eSilva wrote: If anything it's made me look more feminine then long hair but quite a few people at work have told me I look more asian now and some even said "You look more like an anime, ya know those japanese cartoons." and these were people in their FORTIES, lol.
That is really funny. xD I love it when older people bring up anime.


And Rei, that comic was AWESOME. Poor hair... xD
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  eSilva on Fri May 15, 2009 9:41 pm

lol. It really is funny. I looked at them with awe! But i knew better then to ask them if they watched any frequently. xD
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  shia on Sun May 17, 2009 1:14 pm

Wouldn't it be awesome if you started having a long in-depth conversation with them about anime? Haha.
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  eSilva on Mon May 18, 2009 12:08 am

Oh geez. I couldn't imagine that!! the only anime I think they could know would be the ones that played in the 80s or something like Lupin the III, candy, Rose of Versailles (which was soooo good). Then again it would be pretty cool too...but still, I dont think I could get over the awe factor. hahaha.
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  shia on Tue May 19, 2009 11:27 am

Rose of Versailles? =o What's it about?
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  eSilva on Tue May 19, 2009 7:32 pm

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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  greven on Tue May 19, 2009 8:15 pm

While on the subject of not being on the subject.
I figured out I am bi, does that mean I have to start wearing super tight jeans, strangely see through shirts, and get special haircuts like most gay or bi guys have in TV and movies? XD
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  eSilva on Thu May 21, 2009 1:04 am

Sorry for getting off track. lol

And ya know whats the creepiest thing about you asking that? I THOUGHT ABOUT IT TODAY! I was at the mall looking at guy clothes and thought of you, yes YOU. I know "Why would she?" and I don't know why but I thought about it and I was thinking that you're fine the way you are. Unless you WANT the tight pants, strangely see through shirts, and the gay hair cuts xD. You DO however need V-neck shirts. EVERY bi or gay guy I have ever seen or known has worn at least one (joking and only half kidding) lol but then again...straight guys looks good in them too...tho they get mistaken for gay guys...so yeah, V-necks!!

See the thing is, unlike breeders (heteros! lol) its much harder to find other gays when it's not obvious or at least suspicious that they may be "that way" so it's much more difficult to find love. I find that SOME "stereotypical" accessories are helpful in the search for homo love!! So that may be one thing to consider.
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Re: Oh you're gay ... you need a hair cut!

Post  greven on Thu May 21, 2009 6:53 am

I have actually been thinking in the same lanes resently: How do one spot a gay guy.
Sure it is a bit narrowminded but it is a rather real question for me. I mean, I can hardly muster the courage to ask a girl her feelings, how the hell am I going to ask a guy his? I mean that can get twice as akward.
But I never considered the positive points of stereotypes like that, but now that you mention it it does make a lot of sense. But I am NOT! Getting a V-neck XD
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