Settling with torches or waiting for the bonfire?

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Settling with torches or waiting for the bonfire?

Post  greven on Mon Feb 23, 2009 5:10 pm

Settling for a torch or waiting for the bonfire to burn?

Yeah the title may be kind of cryptic but I will do my best to explain the issue.

There have been a lot of talk about dating on this forum, understandably of course, and till now there seems to be a general leaning towards a lover.

What I mean by this is that it seems that many of you and people you know are looking for someone to date, rather than someone to spend the rest of their life with.
I find this strange, personally I am a romantic fool who believes in the one true love and all that bullshit, but I can’t help it. I have only had one girlfriend (well 3 but I don’t think the 2 others count as they lasted less than a week a piece) and I figured out quite quickly that I was not in love with her. So I left her, I touched on this in another thread so I won’t go into details.
The main thing was that I felt like I was deceiving her, or something like that, because I felt she liked me more than I liked her. Now I know a lot of people who have partners that they know they wont spend the rest of their life with, and to some extend I can understand that. Being with someone and just holding her close, just being together, is really something beyond what you can get in any other way. But for me the guilt is always there.
At the moment I am single, which is fine by me because I am having a hard time reading the signals of the women around me, and I am not about to jump head first into anything. But I am of course still looking for the soul mate if you will, and I am hoping to find true love one day, but when I tell people that I usually gets hit with the fact that you have to “try a few” before you know who is right.
I can understand the idea and the logic behind it, but I just can’t get into a relationship that I know will end from the very beginning, and to using it as a “stepping stone” towards the ultimate love goal just seems mean to me. I know that it isn’t that black and white and that you don’t go into a relationship so you will be better prepared for the next, but I always had a problem with applying logic to love.
So when all is said and done, I am really waiting for the only one (you see what I did there?).

So what about you? Are you keeping warm with a torch or two, or are you surviving the cold night alone so that you won’t miss the bonfire?
And what are your reasons for that choice? Do you even know?


PS. I am going to be throwing up a few threads this week, I’ll spread it out a bit not to overwhelm you guys.
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Re: Settling with torches or waiting for the bonfire?

Post  Joneko on Mon Feb 23, 2009 6:33 pm

Right now, I'm avoiding relationships altogether, because I'm not whole enough to be someone's other half.

But I don't think I could go into a relationship with the knowledge that it will end, especially not at this point in my life. I think in high school a lot of people do that but are convinced they won't end, though that's not entering it with the knowledge so much as the denial? I feel like going into something with someone, KNOWING it's going to end, is unfair to the other person, who might NOT know that, or who might get attached. I could never understand the idea of casual dating; it makes me uncomfortable.

This is a very interesting thing to discuss, though, thank you!
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Re: Settling with torches or waiting for the bonfire?

Post  Guest on Mon Apr 20, 2009 10:10 pm

greven, i love the fire analogy. nice!

I will just comment on things you've said. First of all, if you have problems applying logic to love thats because these two don't go together well at all. If we all knew how to find the perfect love or perfect person for us, we'd probably skip right to that. I'd make our lives easier and save less time. And even if you have found the perfect love now, there is still no guarantee that she/he will be the perfect one later. As long as people grow and change, then there is still the possibility that they will drift apart (separation/divorce). All normal and not necessarily anyone's fault.

i think the hardest part of finding love is putting yourself out there. We don't want to do it because nobody likes rejection but it's better than staying closed up in our little comfort hole and missing out on something really spectacular. you know, saying i wish i had done this...if only..

and maybe you're afraid of using people as "stepping stones" but did you ever think that maybe they are using you as a "stepping stone"?

The only thing we can be sure of, sadly, is that life is uncertain. Oh, and death and taxes! but i think i'd rather grab a couple of torches than run the risk of being cold with no bonfire. i will now bounce my basketball. Basketball

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Re: Settling with torches or waiting for the bonfire?

Post  greven on Tue Apr 21, 2009 4:05 am

Thanks Smile I thought the fire thing was kind of clever Very Happy

I never actually thought of someone using me as a stepping stone, though it is painfully obvious when you say it. Actually that it is quite egoistic not to consider that possibility XD
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Re: Settling with torches or waiting for the bonfire?

Post  Guest on Wed Apr 22, 2009 12:34 am

All I meant by the stepping stone thing is not that people are users just that everyone has their own idea of dating. If i choose to casually date a girl I maybe don't have a strong initial attraction to, it doesn't mean that one can't develop through a few dates. Friendships are also a possibility. I don't feel bad about it because my overall intention is positive; I'm dating not to reject people but kinda hoping that a connection might develop with the girls i meet. Meeting new people is fun. Cool

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Re: Settling with torches or waiting for the bonfire?

Post  Lunaris on Fri Jun 26, 2009 3:05 pm

Right now, I'm definitely holding out for that bonfire. I'm through holding torches. Every now and then I might light a match, but it's blown out rather quickly, there just for the brief knowledge that fire can still burn.

In the mean time, those torches I'm not carrying are building up...so the bonfire's gonna have a hell of a lotta fuel.
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Re: Settling with torches or waiting for the bonfire?

Post  greven on Fri Jun 26, 2009 3:49 pm

Honestly I think I might have changed to the torch team.
The alonelyness is really beginning to wear on me.
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Re: Settling with torches or waiting for the bonfire?

Post  alain1609 on Fri Jun 26, 2009 8:10 pm

I mow feel bad, i kind of used to date people because they invite me, you know.
that shouldn't even be called "date" more like going out. i always excused myself saying that i have no-money to go out or enjoying yourself is expensive but the truth to be told, i just wanted to have fun. i've probably hurted a lot of people along the way but i never promised anyone anything.

i've only had 3 real relationships, and they ended the same way:
The first one was a try a new thing (relationship), but i was still going out with other people so i felt like a CHEATER, felt guilty and then we broke up. i ended up as "the bad guy".
the second one was a cute love like relationship (i wasn't really in love)someone i had a crush for a long time and after two years of being best friends we started going out(by that time i had already lost interested and ended up pretty bad).
and the third one was very crazy, i was having a "party addiction" and that person was a very boring so we were really different and that was kind of hot too, but that's why it didn't work, and all that happened from 13 to 19 now i have matured and stopped doing that.

i still like parties thought so summaring everithing that i just said, i used to hold torches now i think i'm ready to see the bonfire. Wink
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