Nvm, cleared now. o3o

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Nvm, cleared now. o3o

Post  NikiPaprika on Sun Mar 22, 2009 9:05 am

EDIT: Okay, I went with the advice and I told her bluntly. She didn't like hearing it at first, however, and I thought things were going to get ugly, but after i explained to her and gave her some time to let it sink in, she understood and we're back to being good buddies again :3
H'okay. So, first of all, I wanna say hi to everyone, and how awesome it is to find a cozy little forum like this! :3
I've been reading some very interesting threads! :3
But, I do have a problem I would like to share. o3o
Y'see, I came out when I was about 13 (worst age to come out ever btw xD) so I've had quite a long time to adjust to being lesbian and becoming who I really am. And part of who I am has only become a bit of a problem recently.
The thing is, when it comes to dating, I've never been too bothered about it one way or the other. Of course, when I came out at the awkward age of 13/14, I just wanted a girlfriend just to basically prove I was a lesbian and to have someone to lean on when the bullying got bad. I also found myself having "crushes" or "falling in love" with any pretty girl or girls I became close friends with. I was young and immature back then.

But now as an (almost!) adult, I've realised that it was just because I was young and it was all because of my hormones. I've grown out of that awkward stage (thank gawd! xD).

But in my nature, I've never really had the urge to go out of my way to find a girlfriend. It's because I'm comfortable with being single, although I wouldn't mind if I had a girlfriend either.
And because of this, I've never really ever had anyone who has liked me before, so when I found out that a certain girl i know who did like me, I was quite happy and even considered the thought of perhaps going out with her! That is, I would consider going out with her-IF she wasn't so young! D8
This girl, who is one of my friends, has too recently came out at the age of 13/14, and she is still in her awkward stage where she feels she has deep feelings for girls she is close friends with, and out of her friends, I'm the one she's clinging to now.
Unfortunately, we met up almost about a month and a half back and ever since then, our friendship has been non-exsistent, and things have gotten awkward.
The thing is, she told me (over msn) that she liked me. At first I wasn't sure what to say! I was flattered, shocked and concerned all at once! But anyways, we got into chatting about it, and I mentioned the possibility of seeing each other, but only when she was older. She said that was fine by her. But ever since, everytime I come on msn, she talks to me like as if we were actually going out. She types in how much she misses me when I'm not online or don't text her back, and always says "I love you" before she goes offline for the night.
It started to hurt me slightly, because she is a dear friend of mine, and I really don't want to hurt her by ignoring all of this, so I have talked to her at least three times in great lengthy detail about how awkward it has been. Especially considering the ages. (I'm currently 17, will be 18 in May, and she's 14, and will be 15 in October). I've always felt strongly against dating someone under the legal age (16), so that's one reason why it is now an issue, but she says she's impatient and is finding it difficult waiting. But despite saying she would tone it down, she's actually gotten worse than ever. In fact, what concerned me so much that I had to share this issue was that last night, at 12.15am, I got a text from her saying exactly this:

"I can't sleep because I'm thinking of you...I love you so much..."

And because of that text, my brain was whirring away as I felt so many negative emotions about this and didn't sleep 'til about 3 in the morning.
Now I'm worried. I still want her to be my friend, but it's obvious that she now sees me through a cloudy, misty, rose-tinted glass, and it's all because I mentioned the idea of going out with her, despite what I had said about our age diff.
Now I feel stupid for even giving her the idea, because it means that I can't be friends with her without feeling guilty or sad about how I don't feel the same way back. I feel horrible thinking about it this way, but I do genuinely believe it's all because of her age. A good hint to this is she was this crazy about a girl she knew before as well, but the whole thing died down because the girl was straight and uninterested, but I think that because I'm gay, she is clinging on to that.

I just feel so confused and horrible. I want to tell her just to stop being so silly and clingy and realise that she's not really in love with me, and smash that rose-tinted glass she sees me through. But at the same time, I'm afraid of hurting her feelings. If I continue to ignore her, she will become upset, but I will break her heart if I also tell her the truth that I don't take "going out" as seriously as she seems to be.

I know some of you may think that she may really be in love with me, but who knows? Even if she is, I'm obviously not that mad in love with her back. Graaaaah, I bet you all think I'm a bastard. D8

I dunno what to do, I'm so confused and anxious and bleeerrrhhhg!!!
>___<;
Any ideas, thoughts or help on what should I do next? o3o


Last edited by NikiPaprika on Tue Mar 24, 2009 4:29 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Nvm, cleared now. o3o

Post  tara on Sun Mar 22, 2009 10:14 am

First off, she's so young.
Second off, she's so young.
Third off, she's so young.

While some people can act more mature at 13/14 than some people ... she obviously does not fall into that category. She sounds like a girl who desperately wants not only love and attention but infatuation. It's not healthy. It's not going to end well. There isn't any "maaaybeee..." in that. And perhaps because she likes girls it is even worse because, as you said, she needs someone to validate her. Someone to help her get through things.

You've already asked her to wait, so that's not going to work. If she doesn't want to wait for you it's not the kind of love that will last. (As with most relationships from your teens!) Be firm, be truthful and honest and tell her that you aren't ready to be in that kind of relationship with her. She's going to be pissed off and you'll lose her as a friend but you wrote here that your friendship has been pretty non-existent since then anyway. They'll be others who will love you, even if it doesn't feel like it.
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Re: Nvm, cleared now. o3o

Post  NikiPaprika on Sun Mar 22, 2009 10:52 am

tara wrote:First off, she's so young.
Second off, she's so young.
Third off, she's so young.
rofl! Those were my first thoughts when she told me!
XD
tara wrote:
While some people can act more mature at 13/14 than some people ... she obviously does not fall into that category. She sounds like a girl who desperately wants not only love and attention but infatuation. It's not healthy. It's not going to end well. There isn't any "maaaybeee..." in that. And perhaps because she likes girls it is even worse because, as you said, she needs someone to validate her. Someone to help her get through things.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
It's just there are always some others telling me 'but teens can fall in love too!' but to be honest, I'm skeptical of that. Very skeptical. n_n;
tara wrote:
You've already asked her to wait, so that's not going to work. If she doesn't want to wait for you it's not the kind of love that will last. (As with most relationships from your teens!) Be firm, be truthful and honest and tell her that you aren't ready to be in that kind of relationship with her. She's going to be pissed off and you'll lose her as a friend but you wrote here that your friendship has been pretty non-existent since then anyway. They'll be others who will love you, even if it doesn't feel like it.
Yeah, I suppose that's true. It's just such ashame because we were awesome friends before, but she is letting this get in the way.
Thank you so much for you advice!! o3o <3
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Re: Nvm, cleared now. o3o

Post  greven on Sun Mar 22, 2009 11:23 am

This is pretty much a perfect rendition of my relationship with my ex.
I cant tell you what to do, but I can tell you what not to do.

DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT DATING HER OUT OF PITY!
That is pretty much what I did and that got me nothing but a guilty consience and an ex at the verge of emotional cave in. The only good thing that came out of it was finding my way in here for emotional support, and since you are here already there is nothing to gain at all.

You have to tell her that you just dont think about her that way, it is the crappy cant we just be friends denial I am afraid, but there is a reason it always returns: there is no alternative. Just dont mention how it is just hormones running amok, the most terrible thing you can tell someone is that their feelings are not true and just a result of hormones.
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Re: Nvm, cleared now. o3o

Post  tara on Wed Apr 01, 2009 7:55 pm

Oh awesome! Glad it worked out.
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Re: Nvm, cleared now. o3o

Post  greven on Thu Apr 02, 2009 3:54 am

YAY! Great news that it worked out, remember to bump the thread next time you edit because it doest show that you have edited your first post, so none of us knew that things had worked out. Glad to hear it worked though Very Happy
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