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Post  ReiDavidson on Sat Jan 31, 2009 9:24 pm

Would you like to rant about... anything? Have a good long angry rant here.

Rules:

1.) Even if you find it offensive, do not argue with someone's rant.

2.) Don't rant about specific people by name.

3.) Don't blatantly try to offend anyone.
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Post  Jase on Tue Mar 24, 2009 9:09 pm

Note: This rant touches on a lot of potentially touchy subjects. Read at your own will.
It's just Jason exploding everywhere. xD



You know, sometimes I just get fucked off.
I mean, this happens quite a lot. It's almost a permanent state of being for me now- "being fucked off". Life hasn't been easy for me, between a completely dysfunctional family, being bullied to the point of being beaten until I couldn't eat for a week (other than soup), being treated like crap by my first couple of relationships (oh, and then being told by my mother- who stayed in an abusive relationship for about ten years- that it was "my own fault" for staying, never mind that I thought I DESERVED such treatment. Hypocrisy much?)

There are people out there who have it well. In fact, most people I know have it pretty shiny.

Sean is unemplyed and lives with his parents. He's 26 years of age, and they're not only paying for his degrees (he's not JUST a bum, he DOES study) but they also give him money to have fun, buy stuff, etc. All he has to do is play chauffer to them- not unreasonable since they pay for his car as well.
Les has never been out of work- hell, he landed an accounting position with NO training or qualifications at the age of about twenty. He could be in an extremely high position by now, but he "can't be bothered" to try. He's also never been without lady attention for more than a month or so; and at more than one point, was being intimate with more than one lady at a time. He's 27.
Emma's not always had it easy, she had a less than perfect family, but her mother and brother are both angels. She found the guy she wants to spend the rest of her life with at a young age and has stayed settled with him. She landed an administrative position shortly after quitting university; and whilst I wouldn't say they're financially well off, last I checked, she earned 150% of what Richard does. She's 22.
Richard himself has had it pretty well-off. His family's beyond supportive, and allowed him to stay at home until he was ready to move out- at 26 (when he moved in with me.) He DID come down with diabetes- well, he didn't "come down with it", his pancreas failed and he was diagnosed with it. The guy should, by all rights, be dead from how long it took him to see a doctor; but no, he recovered fine. When I asked about it he described the whole ordeal as being "annoying", and the only life thing I've ever heard him complain about is his grandmother dying, and not seeing her as much as he would have liked before it happened. (He turns 28 soon.)

None of their lives are perfect; Sean constantly bemoans his father, Les complains about the multitude of ladies in his life and how, once you start having sex, you have to get used to going without it all over again. (As someone who's never even had sex in the way that I desperately want to, that sort of annoys me.) Emma's not financially well-off, as I said, and her father's a jerk. Richard has regrets, and spent much of his adult life lonely (and missing me, but that's another story.)
But their lives aren't bad. They're okay. They're decent lives.

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ME?!
I've been beaten, abused, battered- both by a partner, by people I don't know, and people I did- I've been homeless before and on the verge of it many times. I've been unemployed for well over half a year now and NOT for want of looking; it took me almost as long to find the job I did before that. My family persist in being arseholes, they're just less open about it; I've lived in the wrong gendered body for ALL my life and it took me over twenty years to work that out. The vast majority of my relationships have either been inherantly bad or have ended badly; two out of four significant relationships had abuse throughout, one of which ended in rape and the other of which ended in my being afraid to go and get my stuff alone (the guy was psychotic, really he was). Out of the two good relationships, after I broke up with one he used me for some time whilst sleeping with another woman and lying to me about it; and then guilt-tripped me incessantly after I moved on and dated someone else because he realised he still loved me. The other one was completely unsupportive of my gender issues and refused to see me as a male until I broke up with him and it shocked him into realising that he WOULD lose me if he couldn't accept me. (Yes, that was Richard and we got back together.)
Financially I'm a ruin. Mentally I'm not much better. I've suffered from depression- well, it was diagnosed maybe four years ago, but it's my belief I've suffered from it all my life.

I just want a fucking break. I want something to go easy for me; something to go well. But instead, I get rediculous amounts of little niggling things.
Like the house we live in being a wreck. Like not being able to eat properly because we can't afford it. Like the tiles on the bathroom falling away and revealing that all the walls are rotten. Like the letting agents not fixing the bath's sealing, so water runs down into the kitchen ceiling. Like the windows bowing, so there's a constant draught even in winter.
All of my rabbits have some sort of "problem"; one of them's dying of cancer and is incredibly underweight, along with agraphobic; another one has uncontrollable weight (usually obese, but on the rare times we get him to drop weight he swings to underweight); the last two both have pasteurella, an illness that you can rarely get rid of, and therefore needs medication every time it flares up (every few months usually) to stop it progressing into pneumonia. Oh, and the last one's also an aggressive little bugger who can't get out of the habit of biting for no reason (and hard enough to draw blood, and usually scar. Those little teeth are SHARP.)
And I don't think there's a single electronic item in the house that I can call mine, which hasn't fucked up. A lot.
Mp3 player? I can't re-play tracks, it makes it freeze mid-track. Repeatedly.
Xbox? Randomly rejects disks.
Xbox 360? Plays original Xbox games like CRAP, oh, and I had huge issues with it loading old saved games, and ended up losing about 100+ hours of Oblivion play. (I haven't managed to get back into the game after that.)
Laptop? Christ, what HASN'T it done. From overheating issues, to sending it back to be fixed, to them taking three weeks and a LOT of fucktardery to get it back only to find out that they'd not fixed anything, that they'd found "no issue" because it was an OVERHEATING issue and they sure as hell didn't sit there and use it for half an hour to see if it fucked up. And that's not touching the BSODs, program crashes, etc.
Router? Goes down for no reason fairly often. Usually comes back up in about half an hour. This time it's been down for a day with no signs of relenting.
Wii? Actually, the Wii is Richard's, but the WII FIT was a nightmare. First it wouldn't work- wouldn't sync to the Wii at all. Then they delivered a replacement- except it was a WII, not a WII FIT. I'd've taken the Wii back, got the money for it, and bought a Wii Fit and something else, but at this point Wii Fits were INCREDIBLY rare.
Even my tablet has fucked up, over and over again, finally leading to me (with this faulty model at least) having to cut the end off and attach it to another USB attachment.

I'm just really, really, really fucked off with the hand I've been dealt. I could handle the big stuff, if the little things in life went smoothly. Or the other way around- if my life overall was good, I could handle little things fucking up a lot better.
But it seems like the odds are severely stacked against me. And I'm fed up with living this life.

Can I trade it in for a newer model?
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Post  Emilyelizabethx on Thu Mar 26, 2009 2:48 pm

Crying or Very sad *hugs Jase* Wow, you really have been through the wars, haven't you? I'm really sorry you've had such a rough time. I know EXACTLY what you mean. Its not fair when someone gets a fairly decent life while some else has gone to hell and back. And I'm really sorry to hear about your bunnies, too, as I'm a huge bunny fan and its always horrible when they get ill and unhappy.
I think you deserve something good to happen in your life, and perhaps its due, or you might have to just focus on yourself and what you want to do for a while. It seems that everyone else has given you so much shit to deal with its about time you focused on yourself and what you wanna do for a change. Also, you seem like a very caring, emotionally wise and intelligent person with so much potential, which is a gift, and a great deal more than what other people have. As we all know, humans aren't the best of creatures.

You might want to skip this, it gets real boring.

My life hasn't been a bundle of joy either. My mum is Iraqi-Scottish and grew up in a dictatorship, in an Iraqi-Communist family that lived constantly on the run. A lot of my family were executed for being Communists in Iraq. My mum ended up having alot of problems. I was born with an alcoholic father and a pot-smoking mother and they were both emotionally abusive to me, my mum so bad I was suicidal at 6 years old. She was, and sometimes, still is, nasty, controlling and cruel. She's like a dictator herself, maybe living under Saddam did that to her. My dad is just a coward who unloads all his emotional problems onme. They both used me to get at the other one. I grew up in poverty in a really dangerous area. My step-parents were all really abusive, my stepfather actually tried to set my little brother on fire. Me and my brother wouldn't have enough to eat and used to eat dry spagetti because it was the only thing in the house. I was bullied pretty much when I started school to when I left, being beaten and stuff, sexually harrassed at 12. My brother started getting on drugs and smoking and getting into gang violence at 13 and is now training at an army camp with my dad in the country and wants to go to Afghanistan, despite my family being anti-war and having lost family members in it. I've attempted suicide twice, once at 13 and once at 17 (never doing that again, sitting there in your own blood and vomit in a shitty hospital in the scummy end of London isn't the best place to be) Now, I'm nearly 18, on prozac and other medication, suffering from paranoia, depression, insomnia and nervous hypersensitivity and personality disorder. I also have an eating disorder. I've messed up my college, even though I used to be bright, hardly have any friends, though I used to be popular. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I still get pushed around by my mother, who thinks that if your family haven't been held at gunpoint in front of your very eyes, or your father disapear, feared dead, or just because the government haven't raided your house armed to the teeth, you don't have problems.
But ya know, I'm getting over it. I'm pulling through, and I'm determined to not let my mental illness, or the world, defeat me. Very Happy I've seen other people do it, and now I'm going to, too. Very Happy In a way, my mum's right. There are people who are in far worse and more terrible situations than I am, and I've been lucky because at least I have a house, and a family. I want to help the world, and I'm working for charity now. The way I see it is- my life might be worthless to me, but at least I can do something to make it worth something for other people Smile
So I know pain, but yeah, just felt I had to share my stupid little survival story. XD
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Post  greven on Thu Mar 26, 2009 5:04 pm

Reading all this have made me feel 2 things,
First off it have made me feel very sorry for you, I am almost crying as I write this, I dont want anyone to go through what you have gone through and if you ever need any kind of support you can always count on me, that is a promise.

The other feeling I get is simply a feeling of being pathetic.
My dad is a farmer, and my mom is a director of a large company. We have money issues as the farming market is taking heavy blows in these years, but we still live in a nice house and does okay.
I have a brother who is perfect to the point where I cant do anything to stand out in school, because he already did it and did it better.
I have a sister who Sings like a goddess and is making a money out of it, add to that that she is a straight A student like my brother.
My other sister is a great gymnast and a is pretty much loved by everyone.
And I am the black sheep, I game, I write and I make stupid movies on YouTube. I never showed skills in sports, I was never interested in getting A+ on my tests and I have a laid back attitude that is more or less hated by my parents.

I dont complain a lot, I live with it, because that is what I have been taught, you help others when they need help, but dont be a burden yourself. But you know what? I have always felt I had the right to complain, My parents dont get what I do, they cant see my gaming or my writing turning into money, and when suddently money got involved in my gaming journalism thing I had going, they were happy, I had never seen them so fucking proud. And I hated it. I quit the job, not because of my parents, but because it turned into a job. A hobby is only fun as long as it is meaningless, I wasnt looking for a fucking job, I was looking for fun. My parent dont get why I quit the job, all they see is a way for me to make money off my hobby and spots a match made in heaven, its all about the fucking green for them.


But you know what? Comming to this forum and reading this thread and others like it, just makes me feel pathetic for complaining. Shit I like my parents, they are not perfect but who are? I can get along with my brother and my sisters even if they piss me off once in a while. And I can take not getting straight A's like my brother and sister. All in all, I live a decent fucking life, but I still bitch about these things, and then I read about this... Shit, you guys have been through and I just feel pathetic. Ive got nothing to complain about compared to you guys, and yet you can keep a positive attitude at almost all times while I bitch and complain every chance I got.
Now THAT is pathetic.
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Post  Emilyelizabethx on Fri Mar 27, 2009 7:08 am

Greven, it sounds like you have the right to complain! I hate all this stuff about problems are being more worse or less worse.
I know how you feel about writing, and I feel the same way. Writing is just as important as being a gymnast, or a singer, because its what you want to do, and what you enjoy, and if you enjoy it, then its important to you. Don't feel pathetic. Everyone has their own lives, and if there's something upsetting you, you should share it!
I think your parents will soon come to terms with you. Maybe you should share some of your thoughts and interests with them and they'll start to realize how much you feel about it? Also, sometimes parents don't say what they really feel. And as long as you're happy and fufilled in your life, then they'll be proud of you Very Happy
*hugs*
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Post  Jase on Fri Mar 27, 2009 4:30 pm

A person's feelings are as strong as they are, regardless of the cause.
That is to say, a person in emotional pain from the death of a loved one has no right to tell a person in pain from a break-up that their pain is lesser. Certaintly death has the ability to cause more pain, but pain is pain, regardless.
What one person feels is not lessened because what the source is.

Besides which, the point in the thread is to let it all out, is it not? Doesn't matter what it is you feel the need to rant about, the thread's here just for you to rant, to release negative emotions- regardless of the source.
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Post  Jase on Sun Mar 29, 2009 12:37 am

New rant- this time, on comics.

Comics, woo, right? Everyone loves 'em- well, I assume everyone here does, since that was originally the focus of the forum.

But what really bothers me- I mean, a LOT- is when comics focused around the GBLT community get CGD- Compulsive Gay Disorder.
Suddenly, every character has to be gay. Even the characters who aren't gay, who've dated people of the opposite gender, and genuinely like "insert stereotypical gender characteristic here" on them, they go "WHOOPS! When I wasn't looking, I turned gay!"
And strangely enough, that seems to be all there is to it. "Well hey, yesterday I was a straight guy/girl, a very stereotypical straight guy/girl in fact, and today I have this huge crush on this person of the same gender! Oh, I guess I'd better let it run it's course then!"
...And everyone around the main characters are gay as well. The whole WORLD seems to be gay, apart from the token anti-gays who're there to make coming out a little harder.
Now, I've thought of two comics who genuinely manage to pull this off. One is Lesbian Pirates, and one word sums up how- parody. The other is Khaos, and that's much more people sticking together because they've got it in common, than they just HAPPEN to be friends and then one after another HAPPEN to pair up. (Khaos = GBLT community based, in effect.)

But there's those comics where the main characters are gay. And their best friends are gay (and usually crushing on each other.) And the random plot device people, thrown in there to tide over whatever, are ALSO GAY! I mean, what the hell?!
There's random gay people hitting on the main characters to cause friction. There's random (never-seen-before) friends in there to be a deus-ex-machina who are ALSO gay. And there's actually next to no characters other than the main- gay- characters.
And of course, the whole story revolves around how gay they are, and how happy with each other they are, and gay gay gay homosexual gay gay BUTTSECKS/LESBOSECKS.
It's not that it's a love story because it's just about how gay they are. It's not about the trials of dealing with being gay because there's not much of that either. It's just basically a load of "OMG LOOK AT THESE CHICKS/GUYS BEING GAY!!!1111one"
And that- just- bugs the hell out of me.

Do you know what I want to see? I want to see an epic comic, where A COUPLE of the characters HAPPEN to be gay, and attracted to each other, and deal with being gay and falling in love as a SMALL PART of a much bigger comic with plenty of IN DEPTH characters- MOST OF WHOM ARE NOT GAY.
Because what these infuriating gay-fan-boys and gay-fan-girls don't seem to get is that the majority of the world is NOT gay. And the majority of people will go through their lives never having a "serious" homosexual experience. I mean, let's look at Simply Sarah. THREE people are known to be gay. In one school, and two colleges. That's much closer to realistic (especially given that lots of people at that age are still closeting.)
Also, that people tend to be a hell of a lot more 3D than a piece of paper. Seriously.

Stop making these terrible comics with no character depth, personality, plot-line or anything else just because you want to be able to draw your wet dreams of homosexuality. You're giving the "gay comic" genre a bad name.

I'm now actually put off a comic if I get a "gay vibe" coming off it. Which is a damned shame.
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Post  ReiDavidson on Sun Mar 29, 2009 3:01 pm

"WHOOPS! When I wasn't looking, I turned gay!"

... *dies laughing*
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Post  greven on Sun Mar 29, 2009 4:45 pm

I think it has something to do with the authors selling these comics on the gayness of them, and if they dont "bring the gay" then they fear for loosing their crowd, afterall the readers are only there for the gayness, they would leave if any sort of realism and/or (god forbid) character development made its way into their comic.

I think: I was kidnapped by lesbian pirates from outer space, is great because it knows it is all fucked up and that is exactly what it is aming for. And of course the fact that it is called: I was kidnapped by lesbian pirates from outer space, that is like the best title ever.

At least until I convince someone to make the third xXx (triple X) film. Because they HAVE to name that: Triple X three: triple trouble, and you cant beat that title Very Happy
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Post  Jase on Fri Apr 03, 2009 3:04 pm

So, today's been "one of those days".

I got woken up by a phone call by one of the job agencies I'm signed up with. They asked if I was still looking for work (the answer being the same as every time they call or e-mail me) and go on to tell me they have a position to put me forwards for. I was relatively unenthusiastic, because these things happen, but I rarely ever hear back, or hear that it's been filled internally, or whatever else the reason I didn't get an interview is.
A little while ago I applied for a job in a small, quiet shop. They promised to get back to everyone and said that they wanted to hire that month. Three weeks later I got a letter saying I had the experience they wanted, but were so swamped with applications they couldn't interview everyone. So, what's the point in applying at all? Seems that either way I end the day still unemployed, so I might as well save myself the trouble of looking.

I called Richard when he finished work; and he wasn't done yet. Wouldn't get out until after the supermarket shut. And anyway, we're down to £50 to last the rest of the month, so even if he DID get out on time it wouldn't matter.
So we're on plain rice tonight. And for the rest of the month.

Lastly, I called my mother. She had a savings account when I was a kid and put some money in there; despite my wishes, she put the money into an investment ISA a few years ago, and it can't be touched. She told me, at first, that I could have it before my next birthday. Then she told me it would only be the month prior- aka, this month.
I called her today to enquire about it. Apparently, she won't be dealing with it until she gets back from holiday on the 24th; and she thinks I probably won't have it until JUNE.
That was one thing that was keeping me going. The thought of getting that money, of paying off my loan, of perhaps getting a hair cut before we put the rest towards Richard's loan. (I hate not having very, very short hair.) But now it's going to be about three more months; and I have bank charges coming out at the end of this month too, which will mean when we start May, we'll literally have NO money.

Roll on birthday. Looks like it'll be a good one. </sarcasm>
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Post  shia on Sun May 10, 2009 6:26 pm

Oh Jase... that really really sucks. Don't give up on applying for jobs though, okay?
Worst comes to worst, you could cut your own hair or have a friend do it for you.
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Post  Guest on Sun Jun 07, 2009 10:49 pm

I miss Jase. I wonder what happened to him and hope he's alright. Hope to see him back soon. I love you

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Post  meodingu on Fri Sep 24, 2010 10:01 pm

yes, i think so



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Post  shimeixiaoxiao on Thu Oct 28, 2010 11:40 pm

I think you deserve something good to happen in your life, and perhaps its due, or you might have to just focus on yourself and what you want to do for a while. It seems that everyone else has given you so much shit to deal with its about time you focused on yourself and what you wanna do for a change. Also, you seem like a very caring, emotionally wise and intelligent person with so much potential, which is a gift, and a great deal more than what other people have. As we all know, humans aren't the best of creatures.
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